Riyadh, Sordid Arabia - (Ass Mess): Strained diplomatic relations with the Saudis are at breaking point this weekend following revelations about the signing of a 1980 treaty banning all orgiastic cruelty in exchange for new oil discoveries.
Reports sources to a former UN Security Council chief are unequivocal that the country's former King signed the treaty which accurately pinpointed the discovery of three new oilfields in the Kingdom which have steadily produced over half a million barrels of crude per day.
The treaty also gave his country sole rights to the discovery of a diamond and platinum mine in a remote desert area uninhabited for centuries.
In exchange for this valuable precise information - worth a staggering $300 billion since the treaty was signed - Saudi Arabia agreed to end all floggings, amputations, stonings, lynchings and related beheading "forthwith and unto eternity" according to treaty documents that are to be published next week.
Despite swearing on their Holy Book and sealing the treaty with all official legally-binding State agreements, the Sordis began reneging on the treaty bit by bit, lash by lash.
"It would have been cruel and unusual punishment for us to be deprived of our national orgasmic fix," a Ministry for Bullshit source said today.
"What other highs can we possibly have once you ban alcohol, drugs, gambling and other related vices?"