Northern Rock chairman Matt Ridley has mysteriously stepped down from his job, sources at the beleaguered bank have announced. He cleared his desk this afternoon, and resigned with immediate effect.
Staff at the bank are mystified at his departure, and cannot understand how someone on, reputedly, £300,000 a year can just walk out the door on such a "dream job".
Senior executive Bryan Sanderson, who will be in charge for Monday's game against Tottenham, said:
"He was extremely well-liked and, although he was as bald as a coot, he knew where the bar was, and always stood his round. Allus out on the Toon!"
The Spoof has learnt, however, that Mr Ridley has already been approached by another sinking ship, the Football Association, to take the helm of its infamous band of perennial underachievers, the England football team.
A spokesman at the FA said:
"Mr Ridley, if we can get him, will be the latest in a long line of England managers who were totally unsuitable for the job, and proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt."