Written by Don Davis
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Friday, 12 October 2007

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Lawsuits are abound over Apple Inc.'s use restrictions and recent software update for the iPhone. The multiple suits claim Apple and its carrier partner, AT&T Inc., are engaged in illegal monopolistic behavior. Apple spokesman Jonathan Braeburn responded "what monopoly? It's a freaking phone. Everyone has a one. Get over it".

In a similar lawsuit Attorney Libby Kraft has filed suit against Jolly Green Giant and the American Twine and Thread Corporation (AT&T) for their illegal monopolistic behavior. The suit alleges Jolly Green Giant and AT&T have colluded to create cans and string that only function on their Tin-Can jggPhones. Children all across America are unable to communicate with each other across their own living rooms using any other non-compatible brand.

The new Tin-Can jggPhone is not only a Tin-Can phone but the detached lid can be used to open snail mail and defend against slow and awkwardly uncoordinated attackers. While the jggPhone does not currently have internet access it can be used to listen through doors and make cool horse trotting sounds when banged together.

From his home in Old El Paso former Senator 'Little Sprout' responded "this is a mockery and a sham and a frivolous misuse of our judicial system. A proprietary network of cans and string is not illegal. We're just thinking of the consumer and trying to guide them away from purchasing inferior vegetable products. Have you seen the stuff those other manufacturers are putting in their canned vegetables? When you open the can it's just floating there staring at you. I still have nightmares from the Lima Bean incident".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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