County Hall - (Ass Mess): "We are totally and utterly f**ed!" a heavily perspiring Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London, shouted today at Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling after the Law Lords once again ruled that Chevron Oil has exclusive, unlimited drilling rights to the Thames Estuary.
The slanging match broke out after Livingstone failed once again to prevent legal moves which established Chevron's right to pump out what has been described as the world's largest proven crude reserves.
These dwarf Saudi Arabia's Ghawar field which at 5 billion barrels a day established the record since the early 1950s.
The Thames Estuary field is now conservatively estimated as capable of pumping 'in excess of 8.5 billion b/d' according to geologists at the Chevron corporation.
The field is believed to be so large that it extends deep below the estuary into the North Sea, past the Outer Hebrides and north-eastwards towards Scandinavia.
"But the only access point lies some five limes under the Thames Estuary, approximately one mile north of the Isle of Grain," a chevron source said today.
"As such it is totally outside London Mayor Ken Livingstone's powers.
"And because Chevron is privately owned Livingstone is, in his own words, totally screwed."