Written by PS39
Print this
Topics: Drugs, Cocaine

Friday, 21 September 2007

image for CRACK To Float On NYSE
Buy, buy, buy!

One of the largest drugs cartels in Colombia is to float itself on the New York Stock Exchange in an attempt to raise funds for an expansion.

The current leader of the cartel, Don Laden has announced the plans in order to fund their continued expansion into the lucrative Crystal Meth market which has taken America by storm in recent years.

The stock is expected to float around the $1.28 mark which has been described as a gross underestimate by Wall Street giants Goldman Sachs. 'We expect a pricing of $3.00 to be more realistic and will be listing this as buy.'

Investors are eager to snap up a stake in the expectation of huge profits as hardcore drug use becomes acceptable as a result of this move.

Critics have blasted this move and reaction in the business district stating that this is highly illegal and class A drugs 'destroy lives'. However everyone is bored of critics who seem to have an opinion on everything and City bosses have responded '...get a real job, where there's money to be made there's no room for morals.'

The stock will be floated next Sunday when the markets are closed so that dodgy dealers on the Stock Exchange will be the only investors able to get a piece of this lucrative stock with massive profits expected on Monday morning when the Exchange will be opened by Don Laden himself in an attempt to improve relations with the current CEO of Columbian Rock And Cocaine Kartel (CRACK).

Make PS39's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 plus 5?

6 20 25 8
34 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more