Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Northern Rock

Monday, 17 September 2007

image for House burglars' glee at £5 billion Northern Rock cash withdrawals
Loadsadosh going under the mattress in the UK this week

London - (Disaster Mess): It promises to be a bumper week for the nation's house burglars as a relentless public plunge on the Northern Rock guarantees bank customers' mattresses will be bulging with stacks of those Bank of England gift vouchers masquerading as fifty pound notes.

The Northern is under siege after a £1 billion Bank of England bail-out failed to inspire the customer confidence that both Prime Monster Gorgon Brown and his tosser side-kick Chancellor Alistair Darling predicted at the weekend.

Today armed police were seen guarding the thousands of people exiting the Golders Green, North London branch of the Northern as their tell-tale suitcases, rucksacks and shopping trolleys groaned with the weight of hastily withdrawn ££££s.

Meanwhile in the City the Northern Rock share price tumbled by 40% relegating the bank to junk status.

A spokesman from the IMF told reporters today that the Northern's CEO Adam Applegarth "faces 15-20 years behind bars" for masterminding the entire fiasco.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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