Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 15 September 2007

image for COBRA meets as £50 billion Northern-on-the-Rocks black hole points to Lord Levy tosser CEO
Lord Levy is the brains behind this scam

City of London - (Disaster Mess): The Government's COBRA emergency management committee has met today amid Financial Services Authority reports that the Northern Rock building society has a £50 billion black hole in its acounts.

"That's roughly what Gordon Brown sanctioned in supposedly publicly-owned asset sell-offs when he was Chancellor," the head of the UK Fraud Squad said today.

"These asets - like the Millenium Dome, Chelsea Barracks and other prime London real estate totalling over 5,000 acres - were all in a private ownership investment portfolio that Northern Rock was supposed to manage.

"But the bank appointed a complete tosser pal of Lord Levy's called Adam Applegarth who persuaded Chancellor Gordon Brown to flog off the whole lot to fund the Iraq war!"

Last night Applegarth appeared on tv news looking shaken and rat-arsed.

"No one could have foreseen this fucking awful mess," the worm told Newsnight's Jeremy Poxman.

"Anyway, I was only obeying orders."

Applegarth is paid a basic salary of £1,200,000 per annum.

"That's £100,000 per month," the Fraud Squad said today, "or £25,000 per week, or five grand per working day.

"What a little shit!"

Lord Levy meanwhile was still in hiding as news emerged that he had personally received a 1% rake-off from the value of the entire investment portfolio heist.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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