Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Bill Clinton

Saturday, 11 August 2007

image for So who owns Chevron/Texaco and Abu Dhabi, Mr President?
Bush's bagman Barry 'Five Bellies' Blancmange outside the US embassy today

Wall Street, New York - (Ass Mess): Official: Every US President since Richard Nixon has been an asshole.

Some bigger than others, of course, with Bushes 1 and 2 coming closest to the top.

That is Wall Street's view this weekend as global markets tumble by nearly £100 billion and a freefall dead-cat-bounce is expected as early as Tuesday when Bill Clinton delivers yet another totally pointless money-grubbing lecture in the Dome Arena in London.

What global financial markets have always known is that when China's first phase wall of money comes crashing down with the completion of the Beijing 2008 Olympics site a great big black hole in global accounts will reappear and devalue the assets of the dumbass fatcats who bankrolled Bush in 2000.

None has worked harded to reverse that impending vicissitude than Bill Clinton.

And this weekend his arrival in London is the last leg to shore up a Heather Mills-inspired deal that will see the sale of a forged lease on the US Embassy building in London's Grosvenor Square to Hong Kong's top coke dealer turned rag trade peddler Richard Caring, business chum of BHS fraudster Philip Green.

UK spooks and Fraud Squad top brass are delighted though and have encouraged Clinton into this corralled position for the last three years.

The other players in this asset heist are UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown who is flogging off yet another forged lease on the huge acreage known as Chelsea Barracks to daftass Qatari finance minister Shaikh Hamad.

Hamad's rent boys are called the Candy Brothers and are part of the same scam that saw Battersea Power Station sold off on yet another forged document to Irish pig farmers called the Treasury Holdings.

Inspiring the way that the Good Friday Agreement magically turned terrist scumbags into bona fide international businessmen.

Clinton himself has been seminal to these asset heists going through and devolved the initial string-pulling to George Mitchell during his incarnation as Provisional IRA Piss Process deal-broker.

Caring and Clinton go back over thrity years and have been a vital part of an extension to Dame Shirley Porter's Westminster gerrymandering scam that sold homes for votes before getting busted.

The Come Back Kid has always been supremely confident of having outwitted the UK cops, MI5, MI6 and all his domestic law enforcement agencies, ever since he got his guarantee from George Bush Senior that the CIA's top spook George Tenet and former security advisor Sandy Berger shredded all NATO evidence files ahead of the 9/11 atrocity.

This weekend he is riding high, confident that US Ambassador to the UK Robert 'Katie' Holmes Tuttle will go along with the Grosvenor Square sale for a reported £500 million.

His personal cut from the deal has been agreed to be the same as that of George W Bush: 1% of the sale total.

So how could anything possibly go horribly wrong?

"We know who their bagman is," a top Fraud Squad commander said today.

"And we've had him under 24/7 surveillance.

"This week will prove to be the icing on the cake for us. You can't imagine just how much we will enjoy ourselves at long, long last!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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