Las Vegas Nevada, Britney Spears assaulted two photographers outside a spa in Las Vegas two days ago According to witnesses she threw a baby bottle full of mothers milk at paparazzi as they attempted to photograph her.
As reported in an earlier spoof article Spears is starting a new line of coffee creamers called, All of Me. All of Me is a human mothers milk substitute for cows milk. According to doctors Britney has an unusual amount of lactation going on that could be compared to the flow of the Colorado river. Most new mothers lactate for 6 months with a relatively strong flow then the flow dwindles down until there's nothing. In Britney's case the flow has never stopped, in fact it has grown stronger over time.
Industry insiders speculate this is just a publicity stunt to jump start her new product. The product has just recently been cleared with the Dairy Farmers Association and is the first human based coffee creamer product to be released to the public.
According to Andrew Deetz, one of the photographers assaulted by Spears, she threw the bottle at us yelling, I'll kill you, we weren't sure if she was referring to her milk product or the baby bottle, regardless we're suing the heck out of her. Other than that my lawyers told me not to talk about the incident.
We knew Britney's new milk product was going to start with a bang.
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert