Lands End, Cornwall - (Ass mess): Cornwall residents are said to be terrified at the second confirmed sighting today of a Great WHite Loan Shark seen basking in the balmy waters off Mousehole this weekend.
The predator is believed to be a London mortgage arranger who has leveraged the Cornish Riviera holiday home market beyond traditional boom & bust expectations and is now lying low waiting to pounce on unsuspecting summertime revellers.
Cornish property prices have already gone through the roof this year with a typical Land's End 4ft x 3ft latrine/cum beech-hut fetching over £250,000 for a short lease.
Many buyers have not only paid over the odds for their pathetically small ramshackle holiday home bargains but also at interest rates that would have made Margaret Thatcher's "brilliant chancellor" Nigel Lawson beam with pride.
Lifeguards have posted red flags along the Cornish coastline this week warning investors and local residents alike to expect the vile beast to pounce without warning as soon as the weather heats up a bit.
"Frankly we could be seeing a bloodbath," a Cornwall Chamber of Commerce source said today.