Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Bikini, Grass, Lawn, Mow

Saturday, 28 July 2007

image for Lawn Care Company Franchises Mowers in Bikinis Idea
Heat exhaustion among mowers is a real threat in the hot months

Who would you rather have mow your yard? The twelve year old next door? A professional landscaping company with high dollar equipment and a huge bill? You after working a ten hour day? Two hot, sweaty chicks in bikinis?

If you, like every other red blooded horny American, answered "the hotties, of course," then there is a business out there for you! Tiger Time Lawn Care of Memphis, Tennessee, is now franchising their mowing service all across the United States.

This is the hottest business opporunity in the nation, reports The Wall Street Journal, with an average of fifty-three franchises being sold every hour. It seems that everyone wants their yards professionally mowed by scantilly clad women!

For an average yard, two eighteen to twenty-four year old young women in bikinis will arrive and spend a little more than an hour cutting your grass. They will charge you about $100.00 for a service that includes cutting, bagging, edging, and weed whacking. The price doubles if you stay outside to watch.

At the conclusion of their hot, sweaty work, the mowers will come inside of your cold, air conditioned house and quickly get chilled for a nominal fee. They will then sip a lemonade or other cold beverage with you.

Rinsing off their perspiration covered bodies with your garden hose, and allowing you to watch, is not included in the standard price, but may be purchased separately.

Company franchise business opportunity executive Jim Knowles said that "our business is booming. Most of our franchisees have already got themselves booked through the end of the growing season and are starting to book for next spring. A few desperate people have booked mowing jobs at their homes for December and January. We don't know if they want to see cold girls in bikinis or are just desperate for something to warm them up in the winter."

When asked about the quality of the work, Knowles replied, "Who gives a damn? So what if you've go to pay a neighborhood kid ten bucks to re-do the job the next day! We provide a special, one of a kind service that appeals to men, and those lesbians, everywhere."

The application form for mowers requires that women be at least eighteen ("they do have to handle dangerous, heavy equipment") and younger than twenty-five. Prospective mowers must be in good shape with no rolls excess baggage ("it's heavy work and we don't want heart attacks"). Knowles has found that "ex Hooters girls generally do a good job as they can put out some good work and are used to being ogled."

Knowles discovered that their most successful franchises seem to be in morally repressed areas. "Amish country is really good for us. Utah has been a real bonanza. The bible belt is really strong. We don't get too many male customers in San Francisco, but the dikes really go for our service."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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