Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 28 July 2007

image for Pepsi Admits Aquafina Is Really Just Tap Water
Guess where Aquafina comes from?

Pepsi admitted today what industry watch dogs have long suspected: Aquafina bottled water is really the same thing that you get from your tap. The nation's largest selling bottled water comes from municipal water sources and is no different than what you have at home.

Consumer Advocate Groups have thought that it was suspicious for a long time that Aquafina was bottled in Pittsburgh. One spokesman, Doug Dirkly, said "have you ever seen any mountain springs in Pittsburgh? When you think of pure Rocky Mountain Spring Water, do you think of Colorado or Pennsylvania?" (author's note: personally, I think of Coors)

When asked what made their product better than what you had in your own kitchen, Pepsi said that "our's comes in clean, bright, plastic bottle that looks a lot better than your old Tupperware cup."

Coke, quick to stop the spread of rumors, issued a statement saying that their Dasani bottled water was "filtered with reverse osmosis, with added minerals." The source of this filtered water was, of course, tap water at the local bottling plant.

In the wake of these allegations, Nestle admitted that their Pure Life water wasn't really that pure and that there probably was "life" in it as it was tap water also. Not to be outdone, Evian said that their water was not really tap water, as "we don't know any tap water that tastes as bad as our crap."

Bottlers in Arkansas proudly admitted that their number one regional selling H2OG Water really did come from run off in pig farms and was as "pure as an old sow's piss."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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