Written by Warren Redlich
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Tuesday, 24 July 2007

image for GM Abandons Manual Transmissions After Freak Accident
The Chevy prototype crashed by Ron Paul with Paris Hilton & Britney Spears

General Motors stepped back today from its shift to stickshifts after a freak accident occurred yesterday involving Ron Paul, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. The development comes four weeks after a previous announcement that GM was moving to manual transmissions for environmental reasons.

Regarding the circumstances of the accident, Hilton and Spears have both become caught up in the Ron Paul campaign and were with him in Detroit when he got an advance test drive of an upcoming Chevrolet model, known within the company as the "3way".

According to the police accident report, Ron Paul was driving with Paris Hilton in the front passenger seat and Britney Spears in the back seat. Paul was having trouble handling the transmission and Hilton was leaning over into his seat to help him with his stick. Paul was also distracted as he looked in the mirror and saw Britney Spears vagina lips on an ice cream cone.

With all the confusion, the car crashed into a protective barrier. The three occupants all were taken to the hospital and were reported in good condition. Ron Paul had a groin injury, Paris Hilton had jaw problems and Britney Spears vagina had an allergic reaction to nuts in the ice cream.

The two celebrities had no comment, but Ron Paul said he enjoyed the ride and hoped to do it again sometime. He did suggest that GM consider making a model with the shifter in the dashboard, as that's what he learned on, what a lot of older folks would like, and he said something about it being in the Constitution.

A spokesman for General Motors said the company would review its environmental plans, but for now the manual transmission idea has been put in neutral.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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