Written by Jalapenoman
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Wednesday, 18 July 2007

image for Toy Company Releases Jesus Action Figure
Imagine the characters from your Nativity set as action figures!

First, there was G.I. Joe. Then, G.I. Joe had kung fu grip. After that, there was an avalanche of super hero, He-Man, Ninja Turtle, Power Ranger, and thousands of other action figures (a.k.a. dolls for boys). Now, toy makers, in conjunction with Wal-Mart, have decided to release the newest in the line: Jesus Christ.

The basic Jesus toy is of a belted, bearded man in sandels and a burlap robe. He comes with Karate chop action for chasing the money changers from the temple and a "Satan, get the hence" kick. The toy also floats in an upright position to simulate walking on water.

Several accessories can be purchased separately. These include "turn the water into wine" bake set, the Roman Centurian (whose ear is removed and then miraculously restored), the "lost sheep" (this accessory not available in Arkansas), the "Loaves and Fishes" magic set, and Gus, the camel (and talking sidekick).

Jesus also comes with a variety of clothin. Some of these include a red robe for judgement day, a choir robe for singing gospel music, and a football uniform (Dallas Cowboys, of course). Astronaut Jesus and Navy Jesus should be out and available by Christmas time.

Currently in the works are Harry Potter Jesus, Superman Jesus, and Moses Parting the Red Sea (a bathtub toy). Girl toys featuring the Virgin Mary (with her talking donkey) should also be available next year.

All of these will be available at your local Wal-Mart location. The basic Jesus package retails for $19.95.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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