Written by Jaffa Forbes
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Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for Doctor Who Arrested for Business Fraud
Cabbages were an essential part in the Doctor's scheme

CARDIFF - Along with the ever increasing trial of Lord Conrad Black and the escalating entanglement of the BAE and the government in the 'Al Yamamah' Saudi Arms Deal, another one of Britain's most prestigious symbols has been dramatically arrested for business fraud - Dr Who.

In a daylight raid on the Doctor's home - the TARDIS - police stormed the box and dragged the time traveller out in his dressing gown. Far from making any coherent sense, when asked to state his name he made nonsensical remarks like - 'Who?!'

The dimwitted police, not knowing what to do with such a strong British figure, decided to shove him in an old style 1950's police box they found lying around. Witnessess then reported a strange whirring sound and the police box dissappearing; with the Doctor inside. Police are baffled.

But what of his crimes? What had the Doctor done?

It turns out the Doctor, in a complicated and intricate scheme, has been skimming millions off the ever increasing and decreasing inflation of various products. His scheme, discovered by the UUBC (United Universe Business Confederation) went something like this:

  • 1. Travel back in time to 1960
  • 2. In 1960, buy a relatively cheap property in the housing market.
  • 3. Travel forward in time to 2007, because the price of houses has inflated, the Doctor then sells the property for 10x the amount he paid for it.
  • 4. With the money made from the house, invest in a product that has in recent years deflated; the Doctor was alleged to have used Cabbages.
  • 5. Launch a marketing campaign exploiting the benefits of Cabbages; the Doctor used Jamie Oliver to hoodwink the nation into believing Cabbages were good for you.
  • 6. Finally, the Doctor travels forward in time to 2012, and in the hype of Olympics, healthy eating and Jamie Oliver, sells his stock of cabbages for 10x the amount he paid for them.

In this way, the Doctor has made millions of cheap pound sterling, simply by using the changes in inflation to his advantage.

But where is he now? This humble reporter suggests on the planet Xyrani, sipping 'Garlunk' from a 'Halum' in the garden of his massive 'Frough'. Who knows when this 'Doctor' will next strike, but in the words of the Klingons:

Hab SoSlI' Quch!

(Your mother has a smooth forehead!)

Klingon taken from http://www.kli.org

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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