Diamler Chrysler has announced that 80% of the money losing company will be purchased by Cerberus. This move is being made in an attempt to keep one of the world's largest auto makers solvent.
Cerberus, the mythical three headed dog from Hell with a snake tail, explained why he is purchasing the company: "I've had my fill of fighting people the likes of Hercules and Odysseus and such. Recently, I had to lose to those prepubescent kids in one of the Harry Potter movies. I'm tired of guarding things like the gates of Hell and want to get into something different."
"Besides, I'm also tired of having to pay a fee to ride the boat across the river Styx every time I want to get out for the evening. All those silver dollars really start to add up. I figure that this way, I can have my own pick-up or Chevy Blazer and go whereever I want to, whenever I want to."
"I also want to clean up my reputation. I don't want to eat everyone; I'm not a lawyer! I just want to be seen as an average businessman trying to make a buck."
No one was willing to argue or dispute that, or any other point, with the dog.