Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 22 April 2007

image for Woolworths shares plummet as commemorative mugs head for landfill site
Things looking dire for Woolworths shareholders

London - (Ass Mess): It must have been the tacky Woolworths royal engagement crocks that spooked the fairytale romance straight down the pan according to the retailer's irate shareholders who have seen their stock value plummet by over 50% since the announcement that Kate and William were only ever pulling their leg about being a genuine bona fide hetero couple with bride ideas to walk up the aisle.

An extraordinary general shareholders' meeting has been urgently called for the end of this month to clarify rumors that US ambassador Robert 'Katie' Holmes Tuttle was the business brain behind the commissioning of twenty million utterly useless commemorative mugs depicting the couple's matrimonial intentions last December.

Tuttle, whose official Regent's Park residency Winfield House was once owned by Woolworths heiress Barbara Hutton, was saying nothing today in response to the reports that his superior insider knowledge was responsile for the cack-headed decision to churn out the tacky engagement tat.

But some irate institutional shareholders are calling to sue him for malicious intent to ruin their business.

More news expected later in the week.

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