Written by Oddbob
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Friday, 20 April 2007

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Sirius Killer Satellite

The conflict between satellite radio firms became a shooting war today. Sirius announced they shot down one of rival XM's satellites.

Chief Executive Officer of Sirius Mel Karmazin says they launched the pre-emptive strike early this morning. "We could no longer wait for regulatory approval of the merger of our two companies, so we decided to just take them out."

As the XM satellite fell out of geosynchronous orbit, it slammed into another satellite owned by Time-Warner's HBO. The "friendly fire" accident caused viewers in the western United States to miss an episode of The Sopranos.

The first casualty in the hostilities was Sirius shock jock Howard Stern. He was kidnapped by covert XM agents, but was killed in a fierce gunbattle during a botched rescue operation.

Peacekeepers from Comsat and GE Spacenet have been called in an attempt to calm the combatants. Spacenet CEO Andreas Georgehiou says they hope to end the hostilities soon. "If this isn't resolved quickly, all we'll have left is terrestrial radio's Jack-FM. And I don't know Jack."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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