Written by King David
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Thursday, 8 March 2007

image for Fissure price features working class chess set
Working class chess sets encourage education and honor the working class

Fissure price, continuing its effort on the theme of inclusiveness and "making it real" has come out with a new twist on an old game, working class chess pieces. After experiencing tremendous success with its multi-lingual, Dora The Conquistador and shaving Britney dolls, it continues to reach toward the marginalized in society.

Chess, with a reputation as being a "thinking mans game" played only by pimply-faced adolescents geeks emerged in its current form from Southern Europe in the second half of the 15th century while the King of Spain sharpened his saber in a warm-up for the Spanish Inquisition. This brand of Chess evolved from much older games from Asia.

"We want this wonderful game of strategy to be appreciated by all classes," said a spokeman for the company. "We want everyone to feel that they have a part in the dream."

And it seems to be working. After a slow start in February, sales have increased almost 10 fold, or 500%. Analysts think that the increase is probably due to the anticipation of an early spring and summer when the working class is most visible.

Students at Buckley E. Fibertamous Middle School are also enjoying chess with the new working class pieces and are feeling new levels of self-esteem.

"Now, I know my daddy was a carpenter," said one middle school student.

The cost of a working class chess set is cheap, about $10.00 and features pieces fashioned after workers that you might see on a construction site:

The King = Job Superintendent
The Queen = Assistant Superintendent
The Bishop = Skilled Laborer (Plummer, Carpenter, Tradesman, Welder, etc?)
The Knight = Back hoe, or heavy equipment operator
The Rook = The Jobsite
The Pawn = Mexican laborer

One player must choose to be white and the other black. In the working class chess set, there is also an added color, brown. Basically, all the rules are the same as regular chess expect that the lingo is a little different.

In working class chess, the object is to outbid your opponent and win the job. All the pieces move the same as in regular chess.

The Job Superintendent has the pot belly and can only move one space at a time. The assistant superintendent has the Ford F Series that you see zipping around trying to cover-up all the job-site supervisor's mistakes. The skilled laborers see a lot of action and are some of your most valuable and best paid men. Your heavy equipment operators are valuable too, but they must be careful not to run over any of the lines on the jobsite.

Pawns are your most unpredictable, but interesting pieces. The little bastards may get drunk and not show up in the morning, or they may band together and work their asses off week after week on a job that's behind schedule, getting through the days on wisecracks and cat calls and drinking plenty of fluids. You never know about those guys. But they are the heart and soul of your workers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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