Written by King David
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Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for Advertisers in Boston Learn Valuable Lesson; Disguise Campaigns As Bomb Threats
"Outdoor Marketing Campaigne" for Beefeaters Gin--Even Palace Guards in London Were Alerted to the Boston "Bomb" Scare

The attention given to the Turner Broadcasting Co. for their electronic light boards featuring adult-cartoon characters triggering bomb scares around Boston is enough to make advertisers around the country salivate and taught them a valuable lesson today.

"The closer we can make our advertisements to look like potential bomb threats, the more attention we will get and the larger our campaigns will be," said one advertiser who wanted to remain anonymous. "Don't be surprised if you find more 'outdoor marketing campaigns' near the Super Bowl."

Other ad campaigns to look out for would be follow-up to the Miss America contest, Pregnant Miss America, Pregnant Teenage Miss American, Pregnant Teenage Miss African America and the Miss Geriatric America Contests.

"But this is not a game," replied Boston mayor, Thomas Menino,"those were real public resources that were tied up in a consumer spending game. You don't think we needed those officers somewhere else in the city?"

The devices displayed one of the "Mooninites," outer-space delinquents who make frequent appearances on the cartoon, greeting passersby with a raised middle finger.

Nine were reported around Boston on Wednesday, sending police bomb squads scrambling and snarling traffic and mass transit in one of the largest U.S. cities.

The discovery of the devices around metro Boston led state, local and federal authorities to close the Boston University and Longfellow Bridges, and block boat traffic from the Charles River to Boston Harbor.

"Whoever thought this up needs to find another job," said state representative, Ed Markley.

In other news today, Beefeaters Gin Co. tempts the Queen's guard with expensive contracts. Will tradition, or temptation win?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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