Written by Jalapenoman
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Tuesday, 30 January 2007

image for Microsoft Unviels Newest Windows Vista
Get ready to update your computer with the latest from Bill Gates.

The first new Windows program in five years was released to a fanfare and an excited crowd today. The Windows Vista is the latest update from Microsoft for the windows operating system.

In a press release from Microsoft President, owner, and founder Bill Gates, the advantages of the program were described:

  1. Users will get the infamous blue screen of death faster and more often than ever before, with sharper graphics and a crisper blue.
  2. More items will also earn you the equally dreaded "this computer had performed an illegal operation and will be shut down." As before, you will not have any idea what you have done. This time, however, the local police department will automatically be notified by e-mail that an illegal action has taken place at your residence and will respond immediately.
  3. You will be able to brag to your friends that you have purchased the new program as all of your e-mails will automatically include the tag line "This e-mail has been sent to you from one of the computers that is lucky enough to have the new Windows Vista Program. How about spending the money to upgrade your piece of crap?"
  4. A tracker will automatically send an e-mail to the Microsoft offices every time you forward one of the "Bill Gates will send you $5 (or whatever amount) so that you will finally receive that check."

Bill Gates did admit that there were no other real advantages to updating to the new operating system, but he needed to tweak the present one anyway and release a new on just so he could get some more billions and lord his wealth over everyone who called him a nerd in school.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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