Written by Pointer
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Topics: Science, Public

Thursday, 4 January 2007

image for Exxon Mislead? - "My foot!" Exclaims Exhausted Free Marketeer
Public mislead

In a Science Times article in the NY Times the shocking headline screams Exxon Accused of Trying to Mislead the Public.

I don't know about you but I am sick to exhaust-ion of the liberal," all the news that fit to tint" anti-business NY Times.

Here are some of the ridiculous claims they make in their supposed case against Exxon (Rebuttal provided by Henry "Hack" Coughlin, economist for the Heritage Foundation and author of the recent neo-con best-seller, American Lung Association and the War on Terror.)

1) The Exxon Valdez will never make a successful gambling casino/ beach resort river boat permanently docked in the Bering Strait (Why must liberal naysayers always try to hamstring American ingenuity! Where else will the Alaskaians spend their oil profit tax refunds? On blubber?)

2) Tigers cannot live very long in gas tanks and do very little to improve pick-up or gas mileage (Oh and they're doing so well going extinct in Africa!)

3)Gas prices could have been lowered during the recent gas crisis when Exxon ,along with other oil giants, posted record profits (Don't they understand that the free market forbids such... freedom...)

4) Global warming will not help the beach resort tourist trade in the Bering Strait (Maybe there's no such thing as global warming!? Ever think of that inconvenient truth!?)

5) There is a connection between gas dependence and dead American soldiers in Iraq (Since the war began we can't even get oil out of Iraq so how could it be killing our soldiers?)

6)Solar-powered cars are possible (Yeah and if God wanted us driving solar cars , He would have created the sun before he created light( see Genesis1 KJB)

7)The internal combustion engine pollutes the air and causes added suffering to children with asthma (Typical liberal propaganda! Parents and not corporations are responsible for children's suffering. If parents choose to have their asthmatic offspring live in character-imbued urban settings, Exxon can't do anything about that. It's a free market ,remember?)

8)Smog rarely adds to the character of urban life (see #7)

9) Free -floating glaciers will not provide new ski slopes in the Bahamas (And I suppose they will not be a welcomed source of fresh drinking water in the nearby Sahara Desert)

10) Most islands that will be inundated after inevitable sea-level changes are not exclusively populated by palm trees and coconuts (Obviously the liberal elite is too smart to have gathered this important factoid from television research ranging from Gilligan's Island to Survivor; not to mention countless cartoons ,some even found in the pinko New Yorker which is published in a smog- enhanced urban environment where plenty of well- informed parents exercise their good judgement and free market freedom as to where their asthmatic loved ones should suffer)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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