Written by President Bush
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Topics: Food, Diet, Weight Loss

Saturday, 30 December 2006

image for New No Calorie Diet Promises Extreme Weight Loss
No-Calorie dieter admiring all the food he can't have for dinner tonight

First there was No-Carb then Some-Carb then Low-Fat then No-Fat until finally along came the All-The-Cabbage-You-Can-Eat-Without-Barfing diet. Now, thanks to the miracle of the late night Infomercial you too for only 4 easy payments of blah blah blah can look like Nichole Richie or an Olsen twin in less time than medical doctors recommend, all courtesy of Dave Atkinson's revolutionary No-Calorie Diet.

Dave Atkinson, son of Charles Atkinson (the dead Low-Carb guy) first came up with the idea of the No-Calorie Diet after his father died from living on his own Low-Carb diet. Dave on his Infomercial says,

"Dad didn't really die from eating all that bacon and ribs and Crisco out of the tub and Big Mac's without the bun. Dad died from congestive heart failure compounded by arteries so clogged that his blood had nowhere to go but to heaven where he is now."

Dave's No-Calorie diet as the name suggests lets you eat ANYTHING, yes ANYTHING you like ..as long as it doesn't have any calories in it. According to the No-Calorie diet you're even limited to the amount of WATER you can drink, Dave pointing out that you never know how many of those pesky calories can wind in an ordinary glass of H2O.

That's good to know before ordering the diet because Dave himself warns dieters that even ONE ingested calorie negates that whole moneyback guarantee thing and the whole deal's "out the door". One No-Calorie dieter (now in intensive care) told reporters that the diet worked for him.

"I lost over 50 pounds in 2 weeks not eating anything at all. I got a bit thirsty and a whole lot hungry but thanks to Mr Atkinson I can now wear a size 9 hospital gown."

Interested insomniacs with money to burn can catch Dave Atkinson's late night No-Calorie diet Infomercial every night at 3AM right after that Ronco guy tries to sell you yet ANOTHER Set It And Forget It miracle twelve easy payment oven than can cook an entire Reindeer in less time than you can say .. Set it and forget it!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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