Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 14 December 2006

image for Jared Fogle Spotted Going Biggie Size at Wendy's
Good ol' fashioned hamburgers

Subway spokesman and former fattie Jared Fogle, who became famous for losing 350 pounds on his own Subway diet, was spotted yesterday by customers at a Wendy's restaurant. One restaurant employee, on conditions of anonymity, said that "Jared comes in here all the time and orders a Wendy's triple with cheese, add bacon, extra mayo, and a biggie size fries and a large frosty. He washes it all down with a biggie diet Coke, so I guess it's okay."

When asked how he plans on keeping off the weight and avoiding his famous "fat pants," Fogle responded that "I always eat fresh. I have a delicious six inch Turkey sandwich for one meal and a veggie delite for another. Sometimes I eat the Sweet Onion Chicken Teryaki with less than six grams of fat."

When it was pointed out to Jared that he had not answered the question, and had given instead the script to one of his commercials, he responded by saying that "I really enjoy the daily specials at Subway, all with eight grams of fat or less. They are really good with a bag of our selection of fat free baked chips and a diet soda."

Before exiting the restaurant, he got a spoon from the self service counter, went to the bathroom, and made himself throw up.

He then went next door to the Dunkin' Donuts, ate a dozen assorted (some with cream filling), drank two cups of cappuccino, got a box of Dunkin' Munchkins to go, went out into the bushes, and threw up again.

In the course of the next few hours, Mr. Fogle was seen visiting a Burger King, Pizza Hut, Golden Corral, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a Dairy Queen.

When informed that making himself throw up could lead to medical complications up to and including death, Mr. Fogle responded that "I like to eat fresh at Subway every day, where I can get my choice of fat free and low fat sandwiches made the way I like them."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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