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Friday, 14 April 2017

image for Population unpopular with Targette
Targette: new toy pops

Minneapolis, Minnesota ---- As part of its "population control program," discount retailer Targette, which has already equipped its stores with transgender bathrooms, "because," as the company's CEO, Brian C. "Big Bri" Cornhole, explained to star reporter Lotta Lies, "trans people fornicate rather than procreate," now sells water-absorbing toys.

BadBros, the company that makes the toys, promotes them by appealing to an interest almost universal among children: kids' passion for dinosaurs. The toys are marketed as Grow and Hatch Your Own Batch of Easter Dinos.

After the toys are swallowed "so they can be incubated," directions on the product's packaging direct, they absorb bodily fluids, such as saliva, mucus, and blood, which causes them to "swell to the size of T Rex eggs," which, doctors warn, "can cause discomfort, internal obstruction, vomiting, dehydration, and, if not surgically removed, death," a Targette spokesperson bragged.

The fact that such eggs might not be visible on X-rays until it's too late makes surgical intervention more difficult.

Targette distributed the toys nationwide, and, if all goes as executives hope, they will be exported to other countries in which overpopulation is a problem.

"Dead kids don't have kids," Cornhole observed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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