Montgomery Ala.: Creation scientist have issued a dire warning against eating pizza.
Ford Cellars, of the Bible Center for Spiritual Research said they have evidence that consumption of the cuisine may lead to pedophila.
"We've kept a close eye on this pizza kiddie sex ring in Washington, D.C. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to put it all together. This filthy European food hails from Italy! What are the Italians? They're a bunch of hell bound, kiddie diddling, idol worshiping heretics! We won't rest till every soul damning pizza parlor is run out of Montgomery!"
Jim Kelley, speaking on behalf of the Chamber of Commerce said, "national pizza chains will most likely not be affect by this transient moral panic- they will successfully do great harm to Joanna's Pizza Palace. It's a shame too because she's a member of the church sperheading the boycott."