Written by thomas o'hanlon
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Saturday, 10 September 2016

image for "You're Welcome" greeting card introduced
card designer Patty McCarthy

The new Fallmark flagship store in Times Square opened today with a surprise new line. The "You're Welcome" card is the fruition of the imagination of veteran card creator Patty McCarthy.

"It's a thoughtful way to convey feelings of acceptance of gratitude after one receives a thank you note," said Miss McCarthy while showing off her collection of inspired work. "In regular day to day conversation a you're welcome always follows a thank you and that has been missing in the world of greeting cards forever."

"It also fosters, " she continued, "the feeling of let's get back to the niceties of cards and away from social media. To further augment this feeling I have also designed a "God bless you" card, which when opened reads "for the next time you sneeze"; also a "Boy am I stuffed" card when you want to let friends and family know that you ate a good meal; and a "Hope you're not feeling indolent today" card for those days when you hope a friend is not feeling indolent."

Other notable cards in the catalog are the "I love what you've done with your hair," and "Have you been working out?" cards.

"Let's get away from the internet, " said Ms. McCarthy, "and back to the warmth of personal touch."

Patty McCarthy, you may remember was the CEO of the now defunct Tell It like it is greeting card company which tanked after her introduction of the "Fuck Off" card which also featured the "Eat shit and die" and "Blow me" cards.

When I asked about that recent failure she handed this reporter a "Fuck off" card and said with a smile, "Oh you must mean this. Yes, we'll," she said, taking that card from me and handing me a "Let's forget the past" card. "We don't have to dwell on that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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