New York, NY Donald Trump took time off from his failing presidential campaign to announce that he would be opening his failed college, Trump University, for the second time.
"This time we have a solid line-up of classes that can't help but make every student a multi-millionaire, as long as they follow my directions EXACTLY" says Trump.
Here are just a few of the new classes:
1. How to run a political campaign by getting free publicity from the media by saying and doing stupidly outrageous things.
2. How to have your own TV show by being a complete asshole.
3. How to turn misogyny and racism into profits.
By taking ANY of my courses you are guaranteed to become a millionaire. To get started, simply send a check for $99,900, payable to the "Donald Trump for President" campaign, and start living like a king!
The first 100 students to sign up will receive a free box of Trump Steaks!