Washington (SAPP) - With the Obexit just months from now, President Obama is no longer the primary source for gun sales. For 7 straight years, US gun dealers have attributed the increased sale of guns and ammunition to Barrack Hussein Obama. The NRA has been coy up until now about the situation.
"President Obama has turned out to be a huge disappointment in the waning months of his presidency," says Annie G. Yore-Gunn, spokesperson for a gun manufacturer's group. "The NRA needs to do more, or we will have to decrease our manufacturing output."
In recent months the President has been less vocal about gun control. "Why doesn't he run his mouth more? I mean, this should be a great time to come against the gun lobby. But he just lets the NRA roll over him and the Senate Democrats. He's a push over now. If he would just do more complaining about guns, and more complaining about the NRA, his media lackeys would do our work for us. But as it is, gun sales are flat. It's almost as if no one believes anything Obama says!" explains NRA spokesperson Trey Musket here in Washington.
Investors and market analysis experts are spooked. "If Obama keeps ignoring guns, I will have to recommend selling off ammunition and gun stocks. The entire market has become dependent on Obama's condescending attitude towards guns, gun owners, and people who watch auto racing. It's got everyone in my office on edge. We all go berserk when he starts bad mouthing them."
According to internal White House sources, Obama has figured out the formula to ratchet down his rhetoric about guns. The lame duck is purposely ignoring the issue, as he eyes Obexit next January. In a surprise turn of events, multiple sources tell SAPP that the President is intending to sell guns when he leaves office. Instead of leaving public life like George W. Bush did, he plans to become the first person to receive a $200 million endorsement deal from a major arms manufacturer.
Anonymous sources claim that marketing departments will be running some interesting ad campaigns if they land the Obama account. Their first set of ads will probably use a fake Presidential seal and have the former President do what he does best... "All he has to do is point at the camera and start criticizing guns. We just follow up with another ad spot for our gun, 30 seconds later. It allows Mr. Obama to distance himself from the guns, and we get the profit. It's like using the Devil to sell Heaven. It worked for Jonathan Edwards. And just like the Devil, Obama loves the attention he gets."
SAPP attempted to contact multiple gun makers prior to the publication of this story. All but one had no comment. Here is the response we received from the maker of an assault rifle similar to the AR-15: "President Obama is the world's best gun salesman ever. He sold more guns in seven years than were confiscated by Turkey, the Soviet Union, the UK, Germany, China, Guatemala, Uganda, Cambodia, Rwanda, Australia, and Canada... combined! While we cannot respond to any of the specific details, it is our intent to ask the President to join our team on the day he leaves office. We understand that our offer will not be the only one. He can basically write his own blank check at this point. The big question is whether he will sign an exclusive deal or not."