Donald Trump, self-proclaimed financial wizard, outlined a plan he says that even average Americans can follow to attain what Trump calls "true wealth."
"Of course, one wouldn't become as rich as me, but even a small, insignificant person like most Americans can gain significant wealth from using my plan," promised Trump.
"The first step, of course, is to purchase my "Trump's Art of Getting Rich" kit, only $19.99. If you act now, you get a second kit FREE!"
"Once you have purchased the kit, you can use it to receive detailed instructions on how to liquidate land, jewelry, and other assets, and give the capital to a Trump counselor to invest in special Trump stocks. You will even get a list of the Trump stocks so you can pretend to have a say in your investments," spoke the Donald.
"Of course, you must follow my instructions given in the plan TO THE LETTER! If you vary one iota from the proven-to-work formula, we can not be responsible for the results."
"Finally, graduates of Trump University will receive a 10% discount," Trump trumpeted.