Written by Martin Jaeger
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Thursday, 28 May 2015

Today Tracy Morgan, famed comedian and star of many funny programs, settled his automobile head-trauma case with not-so-funny Walmart.

The terms of the settlement were confidential, but for a price, (undisclosed,) we were able to determine the general outline of the settlement.

First, we understand it was amicable, and a testimony to the effectiveness of legal representation and money.

Our source [confidential] told us that the deal is simple. Morgan will entertain the employees of Walmart at the Arkansas home office, the Board of Directors, and 13 family members of the Walton family. He will do thirty minutes of stand-up and they will have to laugh at half the jokes (at their choice.)

Walmart requires that Morgan don a special Walmart crash helmet (the kind all Walmart shoppers wear while shopping) complete with Walmart logo for the next twenty years.

Walmart is happy to have Morgan be a spokesman for them, and Morgan is happy to spend Walmart's money.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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