Written by King David
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Wednesday, 29 November 2006

image for Donut Maker, Krispy Kreme, Reveals Real Identity

WINSTON SALEM - Krispy Kreme Donuts revealed today that it's real name, Krispy Kreme Krullers, or KKK was dropped back in the 1930's after marketers were trying to break into new southern markets and discovered that the South was fonder of eating donuts than they were crullers.

"We don't want any carpetbaggers 'round here," said one southerner. "We've got our own traditions."

For the uninitiated, crullers are fried-dough pastries like donuts except that they are long and twisted like the stripes of a barbershop pole. In fact, barbershops were where lots of men in the South liked to sit around, get short hair cuts, read the paper, eat donuts, drink coffee and conspire against town officials who supported change.

"You think those Negroes are going to be allowed in the schools, Hank?" one local would ask in a southern drawl. "I don't know, but I don't want my kids anywhere around 'em, or my grand kids, or my great grand kids."

The donut maker has a long standing tradition in small, southern towns.

"Small towns and KKK donuts go together like coffee and cream, or like the two ends of Thelma Sayer's apron springs," said local official Ronnie Thomas. "You don't have to go far in a small, southern town to find a donut lover."

KKK business and stock has expanded over the years along with consumer's waste lines and with the added security threat after 911, many towns have been expanding their police force and this has affected donut sales.

When asked about the increased sales of their product in the public school system, the donut maker said that they would like to take a larger role in the community.

"We want to sponsor more community events. Bonfires and community gatherings that's what we want to be associated with. We also want to assert the fact that white flour and white sugar is comfort food, and without it we are uncomfortable," one spokesman for the donut maker said.

But critics say that the giant donut maker would be turning the clocks back a few years going to "coffee and donut time" and would eventually turn us all into troglodytes, which sounds like delicious, chocolate candies, but they're not.

Still, the donut maker insists that their donuts are superior to any other brands.

"Come back to us," the donut maker beckons. "You'll be glad that you did because you know that somewhere a fire is burning deep in the southern woods and men from all walks of life, all over the county, have gathered together to drink coffee and eat donuts."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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