Written by Gee Pee
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Monday, 9 March 2015

image for Apple watches to give you the time of your life
Apple: it's about time.

Apple wants your money, as much (or as little) of it as it can get--as much being $10,000 (for Big Spenders), as little $349 (for cheapskates).

That's right, the company founded by Johnny Appleseed has added wristwatches to its collection of non-essential gadgets for the wealthy (and the wealthy wannabe).

But, wait a sec (or a minute, or an hour, or all day; when you strap on an Apple, you own time), aren't wristwatches, like, passe?

They were, sure, until Apple started making them again; now, they're cool.

They're in, and, to be in, you need to buy one (preferably the $10,000 model).

The watch's face is decorated with circles of various colors and sizes. Several bear icons, such as "9," a full musical note (there's nothing quarter-note or half-note about these watches!), an envelope, watch hands (how original is that!), a jogger, a dialogue balloon, an arrow, and a whole lot more. The circles and their icons are supposed to help consumers realize just how special these wristwatches really are.

In case a potential buyer still misses the point, Apple's CEO Timmy Cooke says, "They're really, really cool!"

In addition to keeping time, the wristwatches--well, the $10,000 models, anyway--can double as jewelry, and they can replace timekeepers, postal carriers, bankers, security guards, airline flight reservation agents, hotel desk clerks, orchestras, meteorologists, significant others, receptionists, secretaries, couriers, and, yes, even the very lives of their consumers!

Cooke wears one, and, he says, "I never go out of my house; in fact, I never get out of bed--well, except to go to the toilet. That's still something I have to do for myself, but not for long."

Apple, he said, is working for an application to solve "that little problem, too."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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