Written by Dirk Dickens
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Sunday, 1 March 2015

image for Disneyland Boosts Tickets to $99 and Local Cash Advance Loan Business Soars

Like a pack of meth addicts whose supply has been cut off, many families are now scrambling to find a way to continue getting their happy high at southern California's "Wonderland" after it hiked up its ticket prices.

Undaunted by a recent measles outbreak, Disneyland just increased the price of its adult tickets to $99 and kid's ticket to $93. As a result, local advanced cash loan business is booming.

Happy Cash Day, an express cash loan business located a few blocks from Disneyland, had customers lined up outside its building. The manager, George Madoff, said traffic had definitely spiked over the past week. "Yeah, usually people come in for extra cash to pay rent, utilities, stuff like that. But lately, we've been swamped with families needing cash for Disneyland."

When asked how much the interest was, Madoff said, "It's a meager amount compared to the value of the lifelong memories these families will cherish. It warms my heart just thinking about it."

John Smoak, in line at Happy Cash Day with his wife and three kids, was asked if the high interest rates were worth it. Without hesitation, he said, "Yeah, man. It's Disney! You can't put a dollar value on it." Asked what he'd do if he couldn't get a loan, John laughed and said, "Give some blood for cash. Nah. I hate needles. Okay, maybe dip into the kids' college fund. It's not like they're all going to get in anyway."

A Disneyland rep, who spoke anonymously, thinks the tickets are worth the price. "Of course they are," she said. "It's the 'Happiest Place on Earth!' The unique experience and memories we give our visitors? It's priceless. That and we know people will come no matter what we charge."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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