Written by Gee Pee
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Topics: Food, Breasts, Hooters

Thursday, 12 February 2015

image for Hooters to put a giggle in servers' wiggle
Even lady patrons appreciate Hooters' new approach

Under pressure from hairy-legged feminists, Hooters, a restaurant whose servers--young, nubile women in short shorts and abbreviated shirts emblazoned with the faces of owls whose eyes are "strategically positioned" to frame the wearers' breasts--is changing its name--and its ways.

Beginning in June, the restaurant will be known as Titters, and the servers, who will continue to be women only, dressed in provocatively tight, revealing attire with smiling Happy Faces over the breasts instead of owls' eyes, will offer "service with a smile."

"They will be serving up our menu's delicious fare with a smile," Hooters (or is it Titters?) CEO Merry Marks declares, as the "girls" offer one-liners, complete with laugh tracks, along with patrons' entrees and desserts.

Most of the jokes, Marks admits, will be "off-color."

For example, if a customer orders fish tacos, a server might suggest that he "grab a mint on your way home; you don't want your wife to think you were eating out someplace else."

Ordering a pickle might prompt a server to suggest that a patron "super-size it," advising him that, "size matters."

Of course, there's the inevitable one-liner for guests who order chicken breasts: "No kidding? I would have tagged you as a leg man."

The jokes may be corny, but Marks predicts the restaurant's customers will grin if his servers "bare it."

"It's not so much what the girls say," he explains, "as how they say it. It's hard not to giggle when a joke's delivered with a wiggle."

Although some contend that Titters will be even more sexist than Hooters, Marks is not concerned by such concerns.

"We're offering our girls the chance to develop skills as stand-up comics, so that, when they get old enough to sag and wrinkle, they'll have something to fall back on."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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