Written by King David
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Sunday, 26 November 2006

image for Airlines Hire Nannies, Installs New iPod's, DVD Players For Holidays

NEW YORK-Airlines today began gearing up for the holiday season by hiring nannies and installing new iPods, DVDs and CD players in their seats. Because of the high rate of divorce, many children will be sent on airlines alone to visit spouses often living thousands of miles from the other.

"We're not excited about this phenomenon," said American Airlines executive John Hammerstein. "Kids can be difficult to please. It's hard enough dealing with your own children. Think about what it's like trying to take care of somebody else's at 50,000 feet. It's just something that we have to deal with."

All airlines are reporting stocking up on chocolate milk, macaroni and cheese and hot dogs to pacify and feed the children. The airlines will also be going through their share of Handi-wipes during the busy holiday season.

"We're training our stewardesses to sing cute little songs and play games such as "I spy" and the alphabet game using laptops and magazines instead of license plates," said Hammerstein. "We're trying to be innovative and anticipate your children's needs. We here at American Airlines feel that it does take a village to raise your kids. And we want to be a part of that village."

"We are also testing the use of our emergency slides, so that the children can have a little fun at the end of the rainbow. It kind of knocks out two birds with one stone," Hammerstein added.

In other news today, the McDonalds restaurant chain approached American Airlines about serving Happy Meals on board their airplanes for the holiday season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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