Written by K.C. Bell
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Wednesday, 12 November 2014

image for Apple Announces Female Egg Bank

Ever since Apple announced plans to store employee eggs in hopes that women would remain at their desks and continue with business as usual (as opposed to quitting to have a kid) the march has begun for other institutions to open Egg Banks. Sperm Banks are a reality, so why not Egg Banks? Egg Banks could be like the next Starbucks, and venture capitalists are scrambling with new IPOs for investors.

Women could work throughout their lives, (for unequal pay) and wait until retirement to have children, like at age 62. Why raise their grandchildren after retirement when they can raise their own children? Their eggs will have been carefully stored, frozen and waiting at any Egg Bank of their choice.

Old storage places like Bus Van would not qualify as they are already overstocked with unclaimed dusty furniture. Neither would the Pentagon. Though a place known as the heart of protection for American citizens, some Dr. Strangelove might convert the eggs into a form of army found in a Dr. Who episode.

Bank of America, though a bank, hopefully will not qualify: Remember the mortgage home loan scandal and too big to prosecute?

Safeway sounds like a good name for a woman's Egg Bank, but who would want to get pregnant following a trip to Safeway? Putting groceries away is tedious enough, but getting pregnant at age 62 with a frozen egg stored at Safeway seems dismal at best.

However, when everything becomes too complex and impossible, along comes Amazon.com to the rescue. What could be more perfect? Amazon already has a genius filing system in place that can even remind you of your last order and whether you require a refill? Like maybe another kid? They could probably provide an app. for quick egg retrieval.

Amazon can also deliver to your doorstep in one of those nifty storks-like happy green trucks. An Egg Bank would be another successful addition to technology entrepreneur Jeff Bezos. Starting with book sales, followed by kindle and groceries, the online merchant could step forward with the Amazon Egg Bank business.

Great thinking Apple!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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