Written by Gee Pee
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Monday, 1 September 2014

Sex sells, conventional wisdom asserts, but, according to sales of fashion giant Aberzombie & Bitch, not so much.

At least, not lately.

Teens, it seems, have largely abandoned the clothing company known more for its nudity and pornographic advertising than for its clothing.

"They don't dare to bare," an insider observed, "they way their older siblings did, and they're shopping elsewhere."

For many retailers, the brand name has become more a liability than an asset, and pressure from the industry has led Aberzombie & Bitch to switch from big, boastful labels to much smaller and less annoying ones, printed with "A & B," rather than with "Aberzombie & Bitch."

"Today's kids don't want to be associated with A & B's sexist, misogynistic, and homoerotic come-ons," B. A. Hamster said. "They are more vanilla than their older brothers and sisters. For them, less is more and modesty, not nudity, is chic. They want to stand out, but not for their boobs, butts, or penises."

Some retailers want A & B to remove their company logo from their clothing altogether. "It hurts sales," one department store buyer whined.

"They need to change their bags, too," Ima Good suggested. "I don't want to buy a pair of their jeans and then have to carry them home in a huge shopping bag with a bare-chested man's nipples on display. People see that, and they think, What kind of slut shops at a place like that? I may be an A & B customer on occasion, but I don't want to be considered a slut."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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