Written by Auntie Jean
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Wednesday, 2 July 2014

image for Dyson Invents Rolf Harrisless Stylophone
Harrisless stylophone

Jamie Dyson, cousin of genius, James "Bagless" Dyson has reverse engineered everyone's least favourite Xmas present, the Stylophone in time for Christmas 2014. All traces of Rolf Harris and his black bearded Beatnik image have been removed from the caterwauling electronic bagpipe like xylophone to make a sparkling new musical stocking filler for today's cleaner musical instrument market.

The old Rolf Harris advertised musical disaster was never noticeably played by the multi talented Harris in any of his hit records. The new Harrisless classical instrument version will be in great demand by modern singers like Lady Googah. Dyson is looking for someone to promote it on Sky or ITV who is not likely to be helping police with their enquiries over the Christmas period. Safe bets like Susannah Reid Mike Tyson and Alex Jones have been contacted but have not yet replied.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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