Written by G.S.
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Topics: News, CNN, Flight 370

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Rival news station CNN, otherwise known as the Cable News Network, has just announced it is actively searching for a new Story of Maximum Importance.

What's that? Well, in recent years, CNN's preferred broadcast technique is choosing just one piece of news and then discussing it and only it for the next 2 months, such as with Flight 370. But here's the question. How does CNN decide which piece of news is important enough to become it's go-to segment for 2 months straight?

I sat down with a CNN top executive who asked to stay anonymous, but had some key insights:

"You know, it's a tricky process. We try to combine the three T's. Technology, Talk, and Trash. Take Flight 370, that was an easy one. We already had the hologram plane technology from the terrorist days. No one knew the truth about the flight so we could make stuff up to talk about, and there was plenty of trash in the ocean, so that covered all the bases.

It's a lot harder now. The mid-term election will take up the October to December time slot, but we got nothing till then. World Cup's in a month, but no one takes that seriously. All we've got is Russia invading Ukraine, but the problem is most Americans think Ukraine's in the middle east, and we kind of oversold middle east revolution in 2012 and 2013. People are getting tired of it. To be honest we've got nothing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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