Written by Cool Papa Bell
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Wednesday, 30 April 2014

LAND OF OPPORTUNITY, ARIZONA -- In a fast food counter attack, McDonald's is launching a commercial featuring 12 everyday illegal aliens from Arizona named "Taco" Bell being arrested by authorities.

"My name is Ernesto 'Taco' Bell," said one man from Maricopa County. "I love to look in the windows at McDonald's and watch American citizens eat Quarter Pounders, but since I'm here illegally, Sheriff Joe (Arpaio) and Governor (Jan) Brewer are throwing me in jail."

The ad comes in response to a Taco Bell commercial in which 12 real-life Ronald McDonalds endorse Taco Bell food.

Another man, Jesse "Taco" Bell, is shown picking up a drive-thru order at the San Luis, Ariz., McDonald's. He is then pursued by U.S. border guards, before crashing his hot dog cart.

"If I would have had a green card, I could have legally purchased a delicious Shamrock Shake," he said, as authorities beat him with billy clubs.

In Nogales, Ariz., a man is seen stealing a McDonald's food bag from a child, before being shot by the boy's father, who had a concealed handgun permit.

"McDonald's food is to die for," said Armando "Taco" Bell, as he was being dragged away by local police.

Toward the end of the commercial, all the men are all gathered in one room and say in unison they love McDonald's and would eat there if they ever become law-abiding, naturalized Americans.

A fine print disclaimer on the screen reads: "These 'Taco' Bells are not affiliated with Taco Bell restaurants and were individually selected after we posted bond for them. We did feed them 99-cent burgers and boy did they love them."

Taco Bell spokesman Ronald "Taco" McDonald said McDonald's should be ashmed of its ad, and that it's insensitive to poke fun at the plight of illegal aliens.

"The undocumented workers we employ here at Taco Bell make a good living wage, at least by 1940s migrant workers' standards," said McDonald. "And they get to eat anything that hits the floor."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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