Written by Roy Turse
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Topics: tesco, Parking

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

image for Tesco Allocates New Parking Bays For The Selfish

Tesco announced today that it is introducing new car parking areas specifically for those of a selfish disposition. The designated spaces will be added on to the ends of existing rows in Tesco's car parks and marked with cross hatching.

The scheme has already been trialled at stores across the country, and Tesco have hailed it as a great success. "When you're a selfish person who's just popping in to the shop for a minute, you need a space right near the entrance. And by fitting these new bays into odd gaps and turning areas, we are not reducing the number of spaces allocated to normal, unselfish people."

The cross hatch markings are designed to deter normal drivers from encroaching onto the selfish parking zones. But if all the new spaces are full, selfish people are expected to park on the zigzag lines around the zebra crossings or on the pavement near the cash machines.

"The selfish are a small but significant demographic within our customer base, and we felt it was time to acknowledge their issues," a spokesperson stated. "At present these people are reduced to parking in disabled or parent/child spaces because they are important and in a hurry. We have to recognise, as they themselves do, that the normal rules don't apply to the selfish, especially if it is raining."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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