Written by Jack Allen
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Topics: business, bankruptcy

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

image for CeX customers believe it's 1999
YEAH!!! Curtains, screaming and Fred Durst! Wooo!!!

The latest market research from Mintel has revealed that 82% of customers at CeX are mentally stuck in 1999.

CeX has hundreds of potent smelling stores across the country, where members of the public trade in box sets of Buffy The Vampire Slayer for season 1 of Family Guy or purchase Gran Turismo 2 with relative ease.

However, when iPads and smartphones are traded in they spend longer in the shop window than an aging hooker in the red light district. According to new research, customers at CeX are allegedly not interested in any products released post-1999. According to Mintel, a typical customer at CeX is much like Chris, who was interviewed today about his latest purchase.

"I queued for 30 minutes behind a guy buying the Diana tribute album for £1, but I'm so happy now! I've managed to buy the Nokia C2-01! I can't wait to text message my friend now. I'm going to draw a man on a bike in the text to blow his mind!"

Unless CeX undergoes a compete overhaul of their business strategies this type of customer will financially cripple the company, who could file for bankruptcy as early as June 2015 if everything stays the same.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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