Written by Gail Farrelly
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Sunday, 12 November 2006

image for Pre-nups to Include a Ban Against Text Messaging Divorce Plans
"You're dumped." *send*

By ending her marriage via a text message, pop princess Britney Spears has created more business for the legal profession. Millions of clients the world over are rushing to lawyers wanting an addendum to their pre-nups, requiring that both parties agree that divorce announcements are NOT to be text messaged. And providing severe penalties if either party violates the agreement.

Sam Singleman took the news in stride, proudly reporting that he's taken care of his last two breakups via post-it notes. He added, "I got the idea from 'Sex in the City' when one of Carrie's boyfriends handled business that way. Short and sweet, it works great."

Owen OftenMarried was also undeterred by the new caveat against ending a marriage via a text message. He commented, "Hey, no problem. When left to my own devices, without a babe hanging on me, I can be totally creative and think of lots of other ways to end a marriage. Plain old e-mail, the answering machine, a postcard, an ad in the local paper, skywriting, renting space on the lit-up bulletin board at a sporting event, whatever." Shrugging, he added cheerfully, "Plus the other means of communication yet to be invented."

Meanwhile, still rolling along is that New York City bus (once reported on by the late comedian Joey Adams) with graffiti offering some unique marital advice: "When you meet someone who can cook and do housework -- don't hesitate a minute -- marry him."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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