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Monday, 17 March 2014

SILICONE VALLEY, CA -- Trying to recover from consumers' backlash concerning the computer giant's threat to replace human beings with robots by 2030, Google has released 8,000 of its prototypical wearable Glass, a system resembling eyeglasses that can take over its "user's" brain, nervous system, muscles, and sense organs, making him or her "one" with the device.

The gadget is being marketed as a "bonding experience."

"With Google Glass," the company claims, "there is no longer need for an interface between software and hardware, because you are the hardware."

Glass is privy to users' innermost thoughts, feelings, and impulses, and it can send signals to the brain "at light speed," commanding the user to act according to Glass' programming instructions. "Users will wake, eat, sleep, and evacuate according to our predetermined schedule," a Google spokesrobot said.

The display screen, which measures a mere 0.375-by-0.375 inch, rests on a frame above the right eye and, by controlling the brainwaves and nerve impulses of its user, can be used to search the Internet, to text, to take photographs, to videotape, and to ingest, digest, urinate, and defecate on command.

The company has released 8,000 "experimental models" for alpha testing, and preliminary findings indicate that Glass will be "instrumental" in helping Google realize its goal of robotizing the entire human race in only seventeen years.

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