Written by Lord Number Nine
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Friday, 7 March 2014

image for David Cameron to reintroduce Cadbury's Caramel Bunnies
A bunny which isn't made from chocolate but actually made of meat.

David Cameron today revealed incredible plans to reintroduce Cadbury's Caramel Bunnies back into Britain so we can all 'take it easy'.

The Prime Minister announced the plans from a chocolate river, built by poor people who had worked for no money but instead received a medal acknowledging their ability to do things for rich people. The medal had a smiley face.

"People be all like this," said Cameron, pointing to his red, shiny face, trying to appear young.

"With our hideous austerity measures and our blind hatred of the poor and the disabled, the country is well stressed."

"I'm reintroducing the Caramel Bunnies to as a peace offering so we all chill the fuck out and stop hating me."

But in an amazing twist, Deputy PM "Spineless" Nick Clegg said he would only agree to the Bunny policy if his "Put a Tiger in Your Tank" idea was wheeled out alongside.

"Our idea is simple," said the yellow-bellied coward.

"We want greener energy and we want to protect endangered species. Our idea combines the two."

It is understood that from next year, all vehicles will become tiger-powered, with fuel tanks being replaced by a wheel which the tiger will run on.

"With every household being provided with a tiger, this will ensure their preservation and cut emissions to almost zero."

It is understood that each tiger will come with a quota of Danish surplus giraffe meat to keep them fed.

The Prime Minister agreed, saying "These are two fantastic ideas which I'm pleased to say show how successful this government is."

He then left, walking on top of poor people to save his feet getting all chocolatey.

Cadbury's Caramel Bunnies were phased out in the 90s after being replaced by Nigella Lawson.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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