Written by Gee Pee
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Thursday, 6 March 2014

NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK -- Half-naked photographs of Vladimir ("The Impaler") Putin as he fishes in a river, rides horseback, swims, hunts tigers, and vetoes Federal Assembly legislation has caught the eye of the publisher of The Upholder, a gay male magazine published in the United States.

In a twelve-page "special" photospread, "Impale Me, Vlad," the gay periodical showcases the Russian president's "spectacular pecs," displaying full-color photos of the bare-chested "Russian bear" enjoying manly pursuits.

The photo feature is accompanied by captions that praise Putin's physique and make derogatory comparisons between the "macho man's manly muscular bod" and that of U. S. president Barack Obama's "boyish build."

"The comparison of the two presidents suggest only one conclusion," the publisher argues: "There is no comparison."

"Vlad makes our readers want to learn Russian," the magazine's editor gushed, "and defect to Russia, despite Vlad's homophobic stand on homosexuality, whereas images of Obummer just make them want to gag."

The issue devoted to Putin's pecs is expected to outsell any other that the company has ever published. "It is all-but-guaranteed to sell more copies than issues that have featured Ellen Degenerate, Gored Vital, or Hillary," Publishers Weakly suggested.

Already, subscriptions have increased a hundredfold.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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