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Monday, 10 February 2014

Some have said that it is never advisable to look too closely at what goes into the making of sausage; that doing so can reduce one's appetite for the product. However, in the interest of public health and safety, a group of investigators has been looking into the composition of one particular product, namely 'Gummint' brand sausage.

'Gummint' sausage is the only product that is forced upon the entire consuming public. This past fall the production of this universal staple was curtailed for a time by a group that decided to hold the entire process up for ransom over a completely spurious issue. The public was not happy--they had been paying through the nose for the sausage, whether they received it or not, and without regard to the quality of the product.

Taking the sausage apart and subjecting it to critical examination reveals it to be largely filler--sawdust and floor sweepings--that cannot sustain life for creatures other than cockroaches and termites.

The second largest component involved is pork, though the pork used is of a quality only easily digestible by small privileged subsets of the human population and not by the nation as a whole. The pork is especially fatty and tasteless; spices and salt are not incorporated into the product.

Very little beef is to be found in 'Gummint' sausage. So little, in fact, that it can only be measured in part per million, though the parties that produce it make claims of substantially greater amounts involved.

In consideration of the astronomical costs of producing the sausage, the investigators suggest a 'truth in labeling' measure to hold the manufacturers accountable. They say that accurately reflecting the contents and nutritional value of 'Gummint' sausage may spur the vested shareholders of the company to replace those members of the board who are responsible for the poor quality and uneven quantity of the product.

Critics of this proposal say that it cannot be expected to make any significant difference to either the producers or the consumers, as there are no alternative products to be found on the market.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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