MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA - Google CEO, Larry Page, announced today that their newest spin-off product, the Google "Googlie", will be in U.S. stores as soon as May.
Page reported that Babies "R" Us and Just 4 Kidz will feature the new product in their stores throughout the country. The Googlie was designed to be a techno-nanny, but instead of resembling a teddy bear, or a real person, the Googlie looks like a brightly colored soccer ball.
"Today's babies want to be more autonomous of adults," explains Page. "They are no longer interested in being hovered over by helicopter parents, or other adult caretakers with British accents. The Googlie gives the child a sense of independence while at the same time watching over the child in a safe and constructive way."
In a video presentation shown to reporters, two toddlers are shown happily kicking the Googlie around just like they would a regular soccer ball. Although the child does not detect the difference, there is a significant difference between a soccer ball and a Googlie. According to Page, while a soccer ball has no intelligence, a Googlie has super intelligence.
"Our hardware and software engineers have designed a product that can intuit an individual baby's every need. Diaper change? No problem. The Googlie guides the baby to the nearest State Owned Baby Changing Facility. Hunger? No problem. The Googlie will satisfy the baby's hunger with a nourishing meal at the nearest State Owned Breastfeeding Station. Every baby in the U.S. will be able to function without the constant oppressive presence of parents, older siblings, or other babysitters."
When asked about the cost of the Googlie, Page remarked that Google and the federal government have developed a program, "The Googlie Project", to help babies obtain the $50,000 Googlie without the assistance of their parents.
"We want to start them on the road to financial autonomy from their parents, as well as financial responsibility, as soon as possible," explained Page. "They are our customers of the future and we want to treat them right. Our slogan is, 'Google Googlies Make Happy Babies' and happy babies makes Google happy."