Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 6 February 2014

image for Georgia Peanut Farmer Develops Peanuts That Taste Like Chicken
Calhoun Cataloggins' peanuts taste just like chicken.

SAVANNAH, Georgia - Savannah peanut farmer Calhoun Cataloggins has been growing and selling peanuts since September of 1984.

And in those 30 years he figures that he has probably eaten over 5,475 pounds of the little darlings.

Calhoun met Roxanne, his wife of 27 years, at The Annual Savannah Peanut Eating Contest Festival back in 1987.

The Cataloggins raised two sons, Leland "Skippy" Cataloggins and Levon "Crunchy" Cataloggins.

Calhoun said that about six years ago he began experimenting with his peanuts. He said that he wanted to develop a peanut that tasted like a popular food so that it would help to increase his sales.

His first effort resulted in the development of a peanut that tasted like sardines. He didn't really think that there would be much of a market for sardine-flavored peanuts.

Next he came up with a peanut that tasted like sauerkraut. He also figured that not very many shoppers would go for sauerkraut-flavored peanuts.

He then developed a peanut that tasted exactly like chicken - and voila! Calhoun knew right away that he had struck gold since everyone loves chicken.

After testing the chicken-flavored peanuts out on individuals ranging in age from 6 to 90 he realized that he had finally developed what he had been striving for.

SIDENOTE: The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency of Chicago recently stated that Calhoun Cataloggins' Chicken-Flavored Peanuts are having record sales and they have just surpassed the yearly sale of pretzels, Cheetos, and sunflower seeds combined.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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